Letting Go of the Checklist: Sandra Fernandes on Pregnancy Loss, Burnout, and Reclaiming Control.
- Chelsea Myers
- Dec 23, 2025
- 3 min read
From Doctor to Mom: The Checklist That Didn’t Hold Up
Sandra Fernandes, MD, had it all planned out: a thriving medical career, a supportive partner, and a carefully timed path to motherhood. But her story, like so many others, didn’t go according to plan.
“Motherhood is a crash course in letting go of control, and for me, it started long before I became a mother.”
In a candid conversation on Quiet Connection Podcast, Sandra shares how her type-A personality and background in medicine clashed with the unpredictable reality of infertility, pregnancy loss, and postpartum recovery. What unfolded was a journey of grief, burnout, and eventually, healing.
Ectopic Pregnancy: A Rare Loss with a Heavy Toll
Sandra’s first pregnancy ended in an ectopic pregnancy; an often misunderstood and under-discussed form of pregnancy loss. What was supposed to be a joyful moment quickly turned into a prolonged, painful ordeal filled with confusing lab results, cautious hope, and terrifying unknowns.
“I just wanted to know. I couldn’t even begin to grieve because I didn’t know what was happening to my body.”
Even with her medical background, the emotional weight of it all caught her off guard. And when a second ectopic followed after a later pregnancy loss, she was left reeling. She eventually chose surgery over medication, a decision that gave her a sense of agency, something often missing from stories of pregnancy loss.
Learn more about ectopic pregnancy from ACOG.
Postpartum Pressure and the “Golden Hour” Myth
After a successful pregnancy, Sandra’s postpartum period wasn’t the glow-up social media often promises. Her epidural only worked on half her body, and the pain during post-birth repair stole what was supposed to be her “golden hour” of skin-to-skin bonding.
“I waited so long for that moment. I thought, ‘After everything, I deserve this.’ And instead, all I could feel was pain.”
She also struggled through a painful breastfeeding journey that consumed her entire maternity leave, despite knowing better, despite being the one who once counseled others to prioritize their mental health over breastfeeding perfection.
Explore Postpartum Support International for support and resources related to postpartum anxiety and stress.
Burnout, COVID, and the Breaking Point
Pregnant again during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic and laid off from her job as a physician, Sandra hit an emotional and physical breaking point. But she also describes it as a turning point.
“It felt like everything was falling apart, but in hindsight, it gave me space to heal. It was the wake-up call I didn’t know I needed.”
Like many parents, Sandra didn’t check all the boxes for postpartum depression or anxiety on a clinical screener. But she wasn’t okay. She was burnt out and didn’t even realize it at first.
Coaching Through the “Gray Area” of Motherhood
Today, Sandra coaches women who feel like they’re drowning in motherhood but don’t necessarily meet the criteria for a clinical diagnosis. She’s passionate about nervous system regulation, burnout prevention, and helping moms untangle the invisible expectations that keep them stuck.
“We tell women ‘it’s just a season,’ but that doesn’t mean you should suffer through it. You deserve support—whether or not it has a label.”
Her story is a powerful reminder that there’s no one way to struggle, and no one way to heal.
You’re Not Failing—You’re Overwhelmed
We live in a society that normalizes exhaustion, rewards self-sacrifice, and expects moms to bounce back before they’ve even had a chance to breathe. But Sandra’s story pushes back against that narrative with compassion and clarity.
“If you’re listening to this podcast, it means you care, and that means you’re already doing an incredible job.”
To hear more from Sandra, listen to her episode, Not Broken, Burnt Out, wherever you get your podcasts.
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