Motherhood Doesn’t Have To Glow: A Real Conversation on Infertility, Motherhood, and Mental Health
- Chelsea Myers
- Dec 29, 2025
- 3 min read
Infertility, OCD, and the Chaos of Early Motherhood
What happens when pregnancy isn’t joyful, postpartum is terrifying, and you feel guilty for struggling even though you’re grateful? That’s exactly what Sarah Johnston and I unpacked on episode nine of the Quiet Connection podcast.
Sarah, entrepreneur, toddler mom, and truth-teller, joined me to talk about her winding path through infertility, postpartum OCD, and the emotional rollercoaster of raising a tiny human in a perfectionist world.
“You can be grateful and still struggle. Both things can be true.” – Sarah Johnston
The Infertility Journey No One Talks About
Sarah’s story begins with a series of heartbreaks. After months of trying and no success, she and her husband pursued fertility treatments. Three failed IUIs led to IVF, where two genetically normal embryos offered hope. But even then, Sarah experienced a miscarriage that left her gutted.
Doctors couldn’t find anything wrong; “textbook healthy,” they said. And yet, nothing was working.
“I’m a type A perfectionist. So being told ‘we don’t know why’ made everything worse.” – Sarah
Eventually, their final embryo stuck. But pregnancy wasn’t the relief she hoped for; instead, it was nine months of anxiety, disconnection, and waiting for something to go wrong.
Postpartum OCD and Intrusive Thoughts
After her son was born via C-section, Sarah expected to feel instant relief. Instead, she began experiencing intrusive thoughts: vivid, terrifying mental images of harm coming to her baby, not out of desire, but fear.
Walking down stairs, her brain would scream “Throw him!” She felt broken, ashamed, and terrified that Child Protective Services would take her baby if she told anyone.
“I thought: if I say this out loud, I’ll lose everything.”
It wasn’t until she told her therapist and psychiatrist that things began to shift. With medication, therapy, and support, Sarah began reframing her intrusive thoughts not as dangerous, but as her brain’s overactive warning system. She even started saying “Thank you, brain, for trying to keep us safe.”
Want to learn more about postpartum OCD? Visit Postpartum Support International for resources.
Why Community, Even Online, Matters
One of the most powerful takeaways from our conversation was how Sarah found comfort in unexpected places: not from lifelong friends who hadn’t experienced infertility, but from strangers on the internet.
“My parents warned me not to talk to strangers online. But that’s who saved me.”
Today, Sarah offers that same support back. Her DMs are open, and she regularly shares real talk about motherhood, mental health, and parenting a strong-willed, rainbow-party-loving three-year-old.
Follow Sarah on Instagram @sarahdjohnston for more.
Letting Go of Perfection and Letting Kids Be Kids
Like many millennial moms, Sarah’s journey includes reparenting herself while trying to parent her child. She’s learning to release perfectionism and instead listen to her son’s cues, even if that means letting go of sleep training schedules or throwing a rainbow-themed birthday party (yes, someone did shade her for that).
“He said, ‘Rainbows have all the colors, so I don’t have to pick just one.’ Honestly? He’s right.”
The Big Reminder: You Are Not Alone
Whether you’re navigating infertility, postpartum mental health, or simply the day-to-day chaos of parenting, Sarah’s story is a reminder that support is out there and vulnerability is powerful.
“Just sit in it with someone. You don’t need a fix. You just need connection.”
To hear Sarah’s story, listen to her episode of Quiet Connection: Postpartum Mental Health Podcast.
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